reb•e•lu•tion (reb’el lu shen) n. a teenage rebellion against the low expectations of an ungodly culture.

2/24/2006

24 Tips For How To Write Good (Like Me)

[silliness]Alex and I have been barraged with requests to share our writing secrets. What makes The Rebelution one of the easier reads in the blogosphere? Why do words flow from our fingers like water from a punctured water bottle?

Today, we share these secrets. The truth is that Alex and I are no more than the beneficiaries of an anonymous word wizard. His wisdom we share with you today in hopes that excellence in writing will spread to all corners of the globe.

HOW TO WRITE GOOD!

1. Avoid alliteration always.

2. Prepositions are no words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid clichés like the plague.

4. Employ the vernacular ad nauseam.

5. Eschew ampersands & abbrev., etc.

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Contractions aren’t acceptable.

9. Foreign words are not apropos.

10. As Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

11. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

12. One should never generalize.

13. Don’t be redundant; it is highly superfluous to use more words than necessary.

14. Be specific, more or less.

15. Understatement is insipid.

16. Exaggeration is infinitely worse than understatement.

17. One word sentences? Simple. Eliminate!

18. The passive voice is to be avoided.

19. Bad analogies are like feathers on a snake.

20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

21. Who needs rhetorical questions?

22. Colloquialisms are grody to the max.

23. Abjure polysyllabic obfuscations.

24. Finally, chech for pselling errors and typeos.
There you have it! 24 principles that are sure to improve your writing. Follow them faithfully, our dear readers, and maybe someday you will write rules of your own.[/silliness]